Your experience has no value if nobody wants to work with you

Every election produces winners. Yet the largest political party doesn’t automatically end up governing. Why?

Because winning votes and building a coalition are two very different skills. Influence has never been about numbers alone. Influence doesn’t come from being right. It comes from others being willing to work with you.

I think exactly the same principle applies inside organizations.

Experience earns expertise. Relationships create impact.

We’ve all met them. The engineer with twenty-five years of experience. The consultant who has seen every technology come and go. The architect who always seems to have the right answer. Brilliant people.

Yet somehow…

Nobody enjoys working with them. People avoid asking them questions. Meetings become uncomfortable. Conversations become debates. Eventually, people stop involving them altogether.

Not because they lack knowledge. Because they lack influence.

Experience creates expertise. Relationships create impact. Without the second, the first becomes remarkably ineffective.

Being right is surprisingly overrated

One of the biggest misconceptions in leadership is believing that being right is enough. It isn’t. You can have the best idea in the room. The best architecture. The best strategy. The most accurate analysis. If people no longer want to collaborate with you, those ideas rarely leave the meeting room. Knowledge has little value if it never influences decisions. The ability to convince, inspire and collaborate is often far more valuable than simply having the correct answer.

Being right is surprisingly overrated if people stop listening.

It’s the tone that makes the music

In Dutch, we have a saying. “It’s the tone that makes the music.” I’ve always liked that expression because it captures something every experienced leader eventually learns.

People can handle difficult feedback. They can handle disagreement. They can even handle hearing they’re wrong. What they struggle with is unnecessary disrespect.

The words are rarely the problem. The way they’re are delivered usually is. The difference between: *“This design is wrong.” and “Can I challenge one assumption? I think there’s another approach worth considering.” isn’t technical. It’s relational. One damages trust. The other builds it.

Leadership is not about winning arguments

Many leaders unknowingly turn every discussion into a competition. They need to have the final word. They need to prove they know more. They need everyone to recognize their experience. Ironically, the most respected leaders I’ve worked with did the opposite. They asked more questions than they gave answers. They listened before they challenged. They corrected without humiliating. And they made people feel smarter after the conversation than before it.

That’s influence. Not authority. Authority comes with a job title. Influence has to be earned every single day.

The cost of being difficult

I’ve seen incredibly capable people quietly become irrelevant. Not because their expertise became outdated. Because people stopped inviting them. Stopped asking for advice. Stopped involving them in important discussions. Not out of spite. Out of self-preservation.

Every difficult interaction teaches people something. Either: “I’d like to work with this person again.” Or: “Next time, I’ll ask someone else.” Few professionals realize how quickly that reputation spreads.

Leadership by example

This matters for everyone. But it matters even more for leaders. Because leaders don’t just influence individual conversations. They influence culture.

When leaders interrupt, others interrupt. When leaders dismiss opinions, others stop contributing. When leaders publicly criticize people instead of ideas, psychological safety disappears. And when leaders consistently treat people with respect, even during disagreement… The organization learns that respect isn’t weakness. It’s professionalism.

Leadership by example isn’t a slogan. It’s how culture is transmitted.

Expertise is only valuable when it creates more expertise

The best leaders I’ve worked with all had one thing in common. They weren’t interested in demonstrating how much they knew. They were interested in helping others become better. Their expertise didn’t make them the smartest person in every room. It made everyone else smarter.

That’s a subtle but profound difference. Because leadership isn’t about collecting followers. It’s about multiplying capability.

Closing thought

I’ve met people with decades of experience who struggled to create lasting influence. And I’ve met relatively young professionals who inspired entire teams. The difference was rarely technical expertise. It was trust.

People naturally follow those who make them feel respected. Those who challenge ideas without attacking people. Those who make collaboration easier instead of harder. Because in the end, your experience isn’t measured by the number of years on your résumé. Nor by the certifications you’ve collected. Nor by how often you’ve been right.

The value of your expertise isn’t measured by what you know. It’s measured by how much of that knowledge helps others succeed.

And if nobody wants to work with you… Your experience has very little value at all.